What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
