You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
