I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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