No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
