I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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