PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
