there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
