It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
