When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
