I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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