why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
