i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
