He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize