10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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