I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
