im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
40s are totally the cure
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
