my phone needs a breathalizer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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