All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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