You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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