its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize