Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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