we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize