WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
