Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
