I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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