im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
