i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
