meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
