I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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