You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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