Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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