Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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