I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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