it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
