I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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