cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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