I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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