like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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