This is not my ceiling
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
