I think I am morally bankrupt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize