i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
