maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
