Joe is yelling at the trees again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize