I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
