I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize