Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
