the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
