During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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