I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
