I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
