hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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