For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize