you turned your livingroom into a bong?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
