arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
