I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
