nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
