I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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