Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
