He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
