Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
