I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
