Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
